An argument in favor of nuclear waste

As the sun plays upon my face like cotton-footed children, and the harbor air, freckled with salt, moseys across my street, my thoughts turn to nuclear waste. "Is it really so bad?" my thoughts wonder. On a scale of one to ten, with one being Christmas and ten being Islamic jihad, does nuclear waste deserve to rate any higher than a six? Surely six is pretty bad, but what about nuclear waste's natural adversary, oil? Shouldn't oil rate somewhere near a ten?

What with global warming, military adventurism, Haliburton, and the high price of gas, I'm ready to take my chances with nuclear waste -- nice, clean, nuclear waste. We can produce nuclear power domestically and then convert all our cars to run on electricity and keep all the pollution contained in barrels and filters and rubber sacks instead of spreading it all over the place, and then we can tell the oil companies to go fuck themselves.

Speaking of which, when we do switch to nice clean nuclear power, we can't just let anybody supply it. It's going to have to be the hippies. Specifically, it should be the Green Party. They're the only ones we can trust to do it right. They'll have to learn from the Navy, which successfully uses nuclear reactors all over the place without turning all their sailors into night lights, so that might be a little rough at first, having all those long-haired pot-smoking weirdoes mingling with our armed forces, but with the age of peace that nuclear power will bestow upon us, it won't matter if all our army men go AWOL to follow whoever is replacing Phish.

Plus we can count on the Green Party to quickly get us away from nuclear power and onto the next newest cleanest power source. And think of what would happen to politics if the Green Party suddenly had as much money, power, and influence as the oil cos. do now?

Seriously, this is win-win for everybody (except the oil cos and dick cheney, who we hate anyway).