Friday, August 05, 2005

Poll: Should I buy a new laptop?

Even a month ago I wouldn't have worried too much about shelling out $1600 for a new laptop, but now that I'm about to be dirt poor (as I'm operating under the assumption that I'm about to be out of a job), I can hardly justify laying out that much cash. However, my laptop is near death. It took a bit of a spill several months ago and has been steadily dying since -- it's a little slower every day, and it's having semi-frequent kernel panics. I've run various disk utilities to try to fix it, but nothing has helped, and the Apple store says repairs could easily cost several hundred dollars. My last step is to reinstall the OS, but I'm betting that won't work either. Meanwhile, I've got an Apple Loan I can dip into that has more than enough bread to cover the cost of a new laptop, and payments would be less than $50 a month. But do I really want another monthly bill? Not really. Yet my laptop is now my livelihood. Everything from my writing to my banking to my job hunting (and soon apartment hunting) happens here, not to mention my blogging(!), and it lets me work while I'm on the go.

So what to do?

Here's your chance to tell me how to spend, or not spend, my money. Tell me what to do and I'll do it. (Unless I think it's a really bad idea.)

Interactive: Answers

1. How were time zones established?

The long answer can be found here.

The short answer is that we owe the time zones to the US railroads and some Canadian dude.

2. If you were to make something called "The Great Flying Whatever!" what would be it's useful application(s)?

My Great Flying Whatever! would primarily be used to elevate people’s feelings. If ever you were feeling low, you could give your feelings a ride on the Great Flying Whatever! and it would make you feel up again.

3. How fast is too fast for you
a. on a bike
b. in a car
c. on foot

I choose b., in a car.

4. Is it cheaper to go to Cailfornia, or by bus?

By bus, because there is not a lot of demand for busses because they suck because they are uncomfortable and the people on them are assholes.

5. What would you do if you were on a bus and a very old man pinched you hard on the arm and said, "If you tied two birds together, they would have four wings, yet they cannot fly"?

I’d tell him not to pimp that fruity dime-store Buddhism on me and to sit the fuck back down. Unless he was Japanese, in which case I’d have great reverence for his wisdom and invite him over for tea.

6. What parts of a shopping cart would burn best if you were to douse it in gasoline and light it in fire?

The wheels and the plastic part of the push bar burn best. I know this from experience.

7. What and where are you favorite pants right now?

Jeans, dark blue, that I bought at Kohl’s. They’re in the laundry basket behind me.

8. Do you want to smoke a joint with me?

Not sure I should mix marijuana and Prozac. Yes.

9. What is the greatest lesson you've learned thus far?

Follow your heart fearlessly. But just because I know it doesn’t mean I’m able to do it. I’m trying a little harder every day though.

10. Have you been to this awesome website:

Hells yes!

Interactive: 20 Questions

Let's play a game. You send me questions and I'll answer them. For now, let's limit it to twenty questions total. (So, if more than one person sends more than a total of 20, I'll pick and choose which to answer.) Assuming this exercise is a smashing success, we'll repeat it in the future. Think of all the fun we're going to have! Go on, I'll answer anything.

Dear Diary,

You know what I hate? I hate when I say something to someone and they don't understand what it was I just said so they're like "what?" and so I repeat myself, and then they say "Oh! I thought you said..." and then they go on to tell me it sounded like I said some ridiculous shit that no half-non-retarded English speaker would ever say. "Oh! I thought you said 'Pony dinkle shit!'" No, dumbfuck, I said "Posting on the Internet," and if you would just stop and think for two seconds and realize that nobody would ever say "Pony dinkle shit" ever to anybody, you might instead figure out what it was I did say using simple reasoning and deduction. I mean, if we're, say, already talking about blogs....


Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Shit: losing it

Eleven days since my last post, but the blog is not dead.

Seven days ago I lost my shit. Complete nervous and emotional breakdown and I came the closest in my life I've ever been to doing myself in. In retrospect, it's scary that one can feel that way, that you can get so close to just saying fuck it and stepping off the edge of a bridge or whatever. It's an impulse that seems to come from out of nowhere (though looking back you see how the voice has been in your head for a long time), and it's almost involuntary, and if you get to the other side of it you look back and wonder by what grace did you manage to not do something deadly and permanent. Today I still have no answer for any of it.

But it's now seven days and three therapists later and things are less bleak (if still uncertain). And there has been progress on the rebuilding of my life. I've been hard at work on my query letters and on my book (both of which are ideal distractions right now), with a new and improved chapter outline and a ton of new material from a journal I started keeping about a month ago. A year ago the book seemed like it would be impossible to write. Now it feels like it can really happen. One of the main themes (which I now see has been developing for the past 18 months): Write or die.

No progress however on the cooking or dance lessons. Why dance lessons? Go see Mad Hot Ballroom. Why no progress on these things? Well, because I went nuts, and because I'm about to be poor since there's a good chance my job is history. There's a good chance things are going to get really thin around these parts. Stay tuned.