Friday, July 22, 2005

Baby steps

My book of literary agents showed up today, and I bought an e-book on writing query letters last night. Now comes the part where I need to get serious about finding an agent, which means writing and rewriting my query letter until it's perfect, then finding the right agents to send it to.

Also downloaded the swing dance study guide from the dance-manhattan site. Looks like they have lots of times when I can drop in for lessons. That's good, because the Institute for Culinary Education is running their Cooking 101 class again until late August. I should just sign up now and commit to it though.

So these are the small things I've done that make me feel like I'm making progress. But they're not really the real work. That has yet to come. Can't afford to dawdle. Must have at least a serious first draft of the query letter done by Monday. If there's a beginner's swing class I can attend this weekend, I should do that too.

At the same time I'm struggling with my solitude. My ex rules my mind and I feel like a pathetic, paralyzed fool.


Crumbolst said...

I hope you write this novel, Mr. Mond. You are an insighful fellow and have a way with words. Cultivate it.

Jarrett said...

"At the same time I'm struggling with my solitude. My ex rules my mind and I feel like a pathetic, paralyzed fool."

My ex is drowning me. I can't sleep or eat for the past few weeks. I'm a hair away from losing all of my dignity completely and putting signs up on bridges on the LIE, or emailing mutual friends to appeal on my behalf, or hire skywriters, or simply jump off the TriBoro bridge.

Part of me hopes that this section of my life is the section that gets the slow song of the soundtrack - that if Meg Ryan was playing her in the movie she'd be sitting at the beach or on the firescape or at a red light, looking off into the distance, forlorn and all that. I'm doing my part by staring at the water and looking for her parents' car on the highway when I'm on LI.

The worst part for me is that I fucked up. It wasn't anything she did to get fired. I provoked her and then got mad when she was mad. I hurt her and then got mad when she was upset. I really seriously misplayed a very good opportunity. All this time I thought I was looking for a replacement for Julie and I was actually looking for Pam. And now she doesn't want to speak to me at all, phone or email, and if we didn't work together I'd probably never see her again. I'm going to be in serious emotional trouble if she doesn't come back to school. Un frigging believable.

I'm going insane. Solitude is fine. Losing (her) sucks.

I'll shut up now and get my own break-up blog. But, Mond, if there is anything I can help you with let me know.